Fall used to be my favorite season. The leaves turning, football, all that crap. The loss of my baby brother some Novembers ago and his September birthday have changed my feeling about this time of year, significantly. The youngest of four boys, he was absolutely fearless in everything he did, right or wrong. Ryder spent his childhood jumping off giant trampolines, boathouses and playing dock-tag with his siblings and lifelong friends on Walloon Lake, Michigan. His love of the water evolved into becoming a master diver and much like his idols Cousteau and Zissou, he spent countless hours beneath the waves of almost every ocean this planet has to offer. Ultimately, the Pacific became is eternal home after tragedy struck nearly 3 years ago while diving Santa Cruz Island. His life was cut short at 31, and I promise you there is not a day that goes by where anyone who knew him does not feel some sense of loss.
I live on the opposite end of the country but when I swim in the Atlantic, I can feel my brother in the waves. The molecules of connected water drenched in his aura crashing over my head. Once he was at a pool in South Beach diving for no particular reason and discovered an antique diamond earring lost by some tourist. After discovering it’s value, he promptly sold it to our mother. She still has that earring. Honestly, I don’t know how my brothers and her can live in a place where on a clear day they can see those islands, but I also understand the appeal of being close to him in any capacity.
After all, “there is no now, here.” According to LOST and Ryder. One of my favorite lines from him is “If you don’t cry at the end of LOST…there’s something fucking wrong with you.” He was right and still is. Recently while watching something on History channel about time travel, slips and quantum physics shook me to tears. The very obscure notion that it was merely possible to go back and change even one day, rocked my reality of not being able to do so.
Chris Martin once said that “those who are dead are not dead…they’re just living in my head.” No truer words have ever been spoken for anyone who has lost someone. I fear death like any normal human being but am comforted by one single thought now. At least I’ll get to see my brother again. The pictures, playlist and clips are the legacy he leaves with me and are timeless…. just like him. I love you and miss you Ryder —boone.
For Mom, Wes, Griff, Nana, Uncle Mark, The Stover family, and everyone lucky enough to know Ryder.
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